"Now we know that You know all things, and have no need for anyone to question You; by this we believe that You came from God," the disciples exlaim with unwavering assurance.
Jesus answers them, "Do you now believe? Behold, an hour is coming, and has come, for you to be scattered, each to his own {home,} and to leave Me alone..." Jesus replies, speaking of his disciples' forthcoming desertion of Him in Gethsemane.
I see myself in the disciples. So willing to make over-confident assertions of my own faith and belief, yet often faltering in actual practice. I hear Jesus, "Do you now believe?" And I realize that my faith is a quest. Salvation is more than a one time event. It must have a starting point, yes, but salvation is ongoing in us as we learn from Jesus - how to follow Him and how to be at home in His kingdom. I think Brian McLaren said something like, many of us have taken a "starting line" and turned it into a "finish line."
Dallas Willard sums it up really well in his book The Divine Conspiracy:
"Understanding this helps dispell the common misconception that those who are studying with Jesus have already realized in themselves the vision and practice of the kingdom...
"Jesus' disciples are those who have chosen to be with him to learn to be like him. Al they have necessarily realized at the outset of their apprectinceship to him is, Jesus is right. He is the greatest and best. Of this, they are sure. That initial faith is God's gift of grace to them. So they have him. They do not yet have 'it.' And as they move along they do indeed attain, by increasing grace, to an 'advanced spiritual condition....'
"To enter his kingdom, we believe in him. To be at home in his kingdom, learning to reign with him there, we must share his beliefs."
Since this faith is a journey, full of pitfalls and mountaintops, we will continue to fall from time to time, from the faith-rhetoric we unabashedly proclaim. The voice of the Teacher, the Master comes to us; piercing, yet full of grace..."Do you now believe?" He knows our next fall. Our next Gethsemane desertion. But thankfully He is merciful. And if we will get back up and continue following Him, seeking Him, believing what we madly and sometimes haphazardly proclaim to be true, His promise is to lead us into fullness of joy and a truly abundant life.
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